I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
