Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
