So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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