I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
