Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize