that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
