I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
