I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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