I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
