I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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