Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
