jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
