You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
