sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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