I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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