You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
