i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize