I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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