So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
