Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
