"it" just moved
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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