This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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