Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
