I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
