I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
