Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
