I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
