Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
