I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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