So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
