my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Acid is not a monday night drug
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
