No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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