Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize