everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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