At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
