Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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