Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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