My Higher Power is John Stamos
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
