Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
