if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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