i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize