it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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