he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
