wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
