just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
