you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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