Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
third nipple confirmed
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
