In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
