A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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