we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
