You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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