you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ladies don't puke and tell
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
