Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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