why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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