hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
