What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
