it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
