my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't deserve a penis
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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