just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He shit in the fireplace
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
