We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
