so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Send help, water and tortillas.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
