just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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