it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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