Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
