Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
try to milk me bitch
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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