I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
