I am puke
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
