I am in a vortex of obligation.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Randomize
