We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
