I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize