Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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