im about as happy as oj after his trial
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My ATM looks so different sober.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
