I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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