My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
