So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
