I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
