Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
