After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
