my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
