If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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