I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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